No James it doesn't, send me your address (It's changed no?) and I'll get it to you!
Well I'm glad you all like my new hairdo (or lack thereof).
Well guys, to put it frankly...I'm gonna vent. This week really wore me down and me being rather stupid, I simply put on a brave face and pretend it doesn't phase me. Actually, I honestly wish it would phase me, it's like I've become so desensitised to my own emotions that I can't even get them out of my system (mind you I'm trying right now so I guess that's a good start).
For those of you reading who've been monitoring my posts you'll know that as of right now I'm working as a pastoral intern for my church's youth pastor. All in all, it's a pretty good job, I'm supposed to work 20 hours a week at $10 giving me $200 a week + the money I get from my other part time job (Stacking shoes at a shoe store). Anyhow I've just finished arranging things so I have the perfect schedule.
Well this week was not only the week I got my head shaved but it was also the week I started my new job. I go in on monday and everyone think's I'm a great guy cause I shaved my hair for cancer, I find a penny on the ground face up etc. pretty good start to my week. Then I get a phone call Tuesday morning from my Youth Pastor/Boss. Him and his wife were expecting a baby due in September (I think) and his wife had a miscarriage on Monday. (I don't know much more...)
Yeah, Brutal, I know.
Anyhow the boss says he's taking the week off and basically leaves me the reigns of the Church's youth ministry for the week. This is undoubtedly quite daunting for someone just starting out. So after letting everything sink in (not a pleasant experience I may add...) I go about my week, working at the shoe store and acting as part time youth pastor. Everything goes more or less allright (everyone stays alive, no deaths = good) I made some mistakes, but hey, that's me! I never seem to be able to learn the easy way...something about it being to easy and painless just doesn't appeal to me. But it just tears me up to see my YP and his wife, they looked absolutely crushed on Friday when I last saw them.
I'd really appreciate it if you guys could pray for my YP his name's Brad Reid, his wife's Colleen and they could use all the prayer they can get right now. Especially Brad because he's got to come to work next week because there's just no way I can humanly do all the stuff that needs to be done this week. (Some superhuman power(s) would be nice pray for that too!
)
Anyhow, but that's not the part that's really bothering me, what's really bothering me is the fact that one of the biggest influences in my life, a HUGE mentor figure for me for the past 7 years has just gotten a divorce. I know it may sound stupid but it's just where I'm at right now. I had no idea it was coming, it was really just sprung on me the week I got back from Perth. And though I knew about it since then it never really sunk in until today when I helped my mentor's wife move out of her old house.
Man it was brutal, there's no other way to describe it. I honestly feel as if someone shoved a knife into my gut, twisted it, and just left it there. This guy, his name's Dave, he was always there for me. I mean I went through some rough times during high school times when I was at odds with just about everyone. I needed someone to talk to and to guide me and he was there. Even though he had like a million other things to do he was always ALWAYS there for me. He ALWAYS knew just the right thing to say or do to alleviate my situation. He believed in me, he saw the potential, when no one else did.
You have no idea how much I looked up to him. He was such a cool dude, As the Fonz was to the Cunninghams so was Dave to me. (Hope someone gets the pop culture reference). He was the epitomy of cool, he always looked great, had a fleet of sweet cars, knew exactly what to say when, always willing to help, had a great wife, had a great family, had a great home. Man, if you were to ask me on DTS who on earth I wanted to be most like it would be this guy.
Now prior to me leaving for YWAM I sorta drifted away from Dave, as I learned to get along with my friends more, I became more and more busy and so did dave. For a while we only saw eachother a couple times a month max in church. However I ended up getting back in contact with him right before I graduated highschool. I ended up borrowing one of his fleet of cool cars to drive to my graduation banquet. Now Dave being the great guy he is, didn't bat an eye, and before long he'd fixed up, insured, and washed one of his best vehicles and dropped it off at my house (giving me a lesson or two about auto repair in the process).
After I gave the car back we both committed to meeting sometime in the near future and restarting the relationship. That ended up not working out due to my insane work schedule to get ready for YWAM. But before I left he expressed to me that he'd really like to get together with me for coffee once I got back from my trip.
Guys I was SO pumped to see and talk to Dave again once I got back. And then I get back and lo and behold the entire situation had gone to hell in a handbasket while I was gone. Dave was getting a divorce, there was adultery involved, he was leaving his wife and three kids one of which wasn't even a year old. I couldn't believe it.
I refused to believe it.
Until I was asked to help Dave's wife move from their home to a new townhouse. I couldn't say no, they were there for me so I had to be there for them. Part of me still wishes I wouldn't have gone. It intensified my feelings about the situation tenfold. Neither me nor Dave could look eachother in the eye. It was brutal. But I still did my job replacing one of my friends who agreed to help move in the first place (he'd thrown out his back earlier that week).
So yeah that's what's going on with me. I have a new hatred for divorce. I honestly can see why God hates it so much. If it were possible I'd hate it more than God right now. I just can't shake the feeling of...i don't know what it is betrayal? dissapointment? grief? all three? I have no clue.
I feel so alone, I just lost a HUGE mentor figure in my life. My family's going through it's own issues right now. If this were happening to anyone else I'd go talk to Dave, but the situation is what it is. My YP, usually my backup in these sorts of situations is out of the picture as well. Infact he's just as mystified about the situation as I am. I honestly feel like crying but my tear ducts don't seem to be functioning and I reckon it wouldn't help any.
Anyhow I'm gonna cut this off right now. I've got to lead sunday school in 9 hours. Pray for me, but more over pray for Dave, his ex-wife Christine, and his three kids Josh, Robyn and Tanner. Pray for all the broken families in the world.
My heart weeps...
Feel free to comment, to be honest I'd really like you to. That's why I posted it here instead of in my personal journal.
But even if no one reads this and nobody comments I reckon it's still good for me to get all my feelings(?) out.
Is anybody out there?
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Tue Apr 03, 2007 6:22 pm
anymore?
that's incredible...I still love you just as much with or without the afro...there's just less of you to love now 
jk. You rock Jon...you look great with short hair bro!
